Praying Conversationally with Others

Praying with other followers of Christ can be one of the most exhilarating and meaningful experiences in our relationship with the Lord and others! There is something holy and powerful afoot when God’s children approach him with one voice seeking his glory! On the other hand, praying with others may sometimes frustrate and demoralize us like little else can, leaving us feeling less than powerful and certainly less than holy.

I’ve already shared with you my pilgrimage through prayer and how I grappled early on to understand what prayer is and how to converse with God. My struggle with corporate prayer—praying with others—was even more intense.

I still remember a prayer meeting I was involved in a number of years ago. I was an elder in a church at the time and a number of us had come together to pray fervently for the church. But an hour into the prayer meeting I became so frustrated and filled with confusion that I quietly, but stubbornly left. Something had gone really wrong!

As I drove home, I was in turmoil. I didn’t know or understand why I was angry and frustrated. I felt horrible for leaving, yet I was greatly relieved to be gone. I wrestled with the Lord about all these things all the way home and for some time afterward. I knew of no sin or conflict with others that could have triggered my response. Not until a few years later did I begin to understand what had happened to me in that prayer meeting.

I don’t think I’m alone in the way I felt in that prayer meeting. I would venture to guess that many followers of Jesus sincerely struggle with their desires when the church calls a prayer meeting. Even the name prayer meeting evokes visions of the saints moaning long-winded monologues in unearthly tones, employing vocabulary long since abandoned for everyday use. In such prayer meetings we feel both grossly out of place and guilty for feeling so. Is that really as good as it gets? Or have we unwittingly accepted a cheap counterfeit for something that God intended to be inviting, desirous and even fun?

By way of analogy, imagine that you are with a small group of Christian friends. You’re having pizza together and simply enjoying one another’s company. As the evening progresses, you’re all drawn to a topic about which you are passionate. But as you are about to launch into this conversation, one of your friends suggests that you engage the following nine rules to govern your discussion:

1. You must decide before-hand who will begin the conversation.
2. This discussion must flow around the circle, one person after another in order.
3. You may speak only once during this conversation.
4. You must speak for at least two minutes when your turn comes around.
5. Think through what you will say before your turn comes to you.
6. When it’s your turn to speak, try not to repeat a thought that has already been stated. Doing so would seem foolish.
7. If it comes to your turn and you do not wish to speak, simply sit there—say nothing and do nothing, just look down.
8. Deem silence as uncomfortable during this conversation. So if it’s someone else’s turn to speak and they don’t immediately take their turn, the next person in the circle should resume the conversation.
9. The conversation is over when the last person in the circle has taken his/her turn.

Chances are you and the others would laugh out loud at your friend’s suggestion, for it is truly ridiculous to think that you could allow such conversation-restricting rules to govern your discussion! In case those nine rules sounded familiar to you but you couldn’t place them, think about how many of us learned to pray with others. Are not those the rules by which we often pray together?

As stifling and restrictive as those nine rules (or any combination of them) would be to healthy conversation with others, they are equally destructive in our sessions of corporate prayer! Years after leaving that prayer meeting I described above, I realized that my anger and frustration were largely due to the ridiculous protocol we had confined ourselves to. We had tried to force prayer into a non-relational process!

Remember where we began in this book? We talked a lot about our relationship with our heavenly Father, with Jesus Christ and his Holy Spirit. We’ve also seen how we go astray when we stop thinking about our connection with the Lord as relational. But those crazy prayer rules above are anything but relational. They’re stiff, stogy and impersonal. No wonder we run the other way when someone yells “prayer meeting”!

So what does healthy, relational corporate prayer look and feel like? Let me suggest that the problem is not with having a process. For relationships run well when we understand and operate within what is gracious social protocol. So think about the process by which we conduct a lively, healthy conversation and let’s apply a similar protocol and principles to our corporate prayer. For what is corporate prayer but a conversation with the Lord and each other?

Principles for dynamic conversational prayer:

• Pray short, phrase or sentence prayers. (Don’t hog the conversation!)
• Listen to the Holy Spirit and each other
• Piggy back on each other’s prayers. Stay on a theme until it seems right to move on
• Keep your prayers vertical (God-ward)
• Embrace silence as an opportunity to listen to God, transition to another topic or process what has been prayed
• Believe the best of each other

I have seen these principles radically change the way followers of Christ pray together. Corporate prayer can become dynamic, engaging and very relational. Please don’t mistake these principles for just another cute way to pray. We cannot ignore the way God designed us to relate with him and others when we come together to pray. There are non-social behaviors that are not befitting our relationship with each other or the Lord.

In view of these principles of conversational prayer, I get excited when I read that the early church “devoted themselves to prayer.” (Acts 2:42) Or consider how the conversational prayer must have gone in Acts 13:1-3 as the Lord revealed his will to the leadership of the church in Antioch. Think about the fervor and tears—the deep relational connections as Paul and his entourage prayed with the elders from Ephesus before departing from them for the last time (Acts 20:17-38).

In the context of sound principles for conversational prayer, passages like Ephesians 6:18 become a rallying cry to action for the church! “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.” (That exhortation is written to the church corporately—that is the verb is plural, not singular.)

We find similar calls to corporate prayer in Colossians 4:2, “Devote yourselves to prayer,” and in 1 Thessalonians 5:17, “Pray continually.” When we pray together, we stand together in the presence of almighty God and lift our voices to him in praise, adoration, thanksgiving and requests. God loves it when his children converse with him! Let us not spoil what is good and holy and enjoyable by placing relationally confining practices on our corporate prayer.

© Rob Fischer 2009