Humbly Receiving from Others

We are so programmed to think about what we can do for others that we’re likely to overlook the core relational grace of humbly receiving from others. Whether it’s a matter of being served, being given a gift or a simple compliment, all of us have found it difficult to receive from others what we might freely offer ourselves.

Why is it so hard to humbly receive something from others? And what are the consequences of refusing what others would give us or do for us?

I mentioned at the outset that humbly receiving from others is a core relational grace. It is core because unless we humbly receive God’s free gift of salvation through Jesus Christ we cannot come to him. Our propensity as a fallen race is to try to pay for or earn right standing with God. But we cannot do it! If we could earn right standing before God, Christ’s death to pay the penalty for our sins would not have been necessary.

The apostle Paul explains, “When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit.” (Titus 3:4-5 NLT) Unless we humbly receive God’s mercy, grace and forgiveness we cannot enter into relationship with him.

But our need to humbly receive from God doesn’t end at salvation. We are dependent on God’s grace, love, power and provision every day! That was Jesus’ point in his analogy when he said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5 NLT)

Humbly receiving from others is a relational grace that emanates from God himself. Consider the fact that although God needs nothing from us, he gladly receives our worship, praise, thanksgiving and requests! Like the doting father of a toddler who affectionately displays his child’s scribble art on the refrigerator, so our heavenly father delights to receive from us our meager expressions of love.

Jesus exhibited this relational grace in a remarkable way in Luke 7:36-50. In this passage, Jesus went to the home of a Pharisee who had invited him for dinner. (Which in and of itself demonstrates this relational grace.) While Jesus was there, a woman with a soiled reputation came to him with an expensive jar of perfume. She wept at the feet of Jesus, washing his feet with her tears. Then she wiped his feet with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. Jesus humbly and patiently allowed her to attend to him like this.

Jesus’ host, the Pharisee, was disgusted by all this and especially so, because Jesus was allowing a sinful woman to touch him and serve him. The Pharisee thought, “If this man is a prophet of God, he would not let her do this because she is a sinner.” Jesus had forgiven this woman her many sins and her response was to love him much as she had just demonstrated.

There is an inherent connection between our perception of how God would act in a situation and how we act in that situation. When Jesus wished to demonstrate the full extent of his love for his disciples by washing their feet, Peter protested, “No, you will never ever wash my feet!” (John 13:8 NLT) While Peter may have thought he was responding in humility, his denying Jesus the pleasure of serving him was prideful. Peter did not yet understand that godly leadership gets its hands dirty and serves others.

This relational grace has profound impact on our relationships with each other as well. I have known people who cannot and will not allow themselves to be served by others. They find it a personal affront. But their refusal to accept service, a gift or even a compliment from others demonstrates their inability to receive from God as well. Like Jesus told Peter, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” (John 13:8)

Let me illustrate importance of this relational grace in our relationships with others as follows. Think of someone you love dearly. Now imagine that some very special occasion is approaching—that person’s birthday, an anniversary or Christmas. You have thought long and hard about the perfect gift you’d like to give this person on this memorable occasion. You’ve saved up and sacrificed in order to buy that item and you can hardly wait to present your loved one with this gift that represents your love.

On the day of this special occasion, you’ve also arranged to give your gift in a special in order to make the whole experience meaningful and memorable. With all this preparation, sacrifice and love how would you feel if your loved one totally rejected your gift and refused to accept it. Most of us would be crushed and confused. We would interpret refusal of our gift as rejection of us.

Our heavenly Father is constantly extending his gifts to us. Refusal of his gifts is rejection of him. The lost son in Luke 15:11-32 had to learn how needy he was before he could enjoy his father’s love. The older brother never saw himself as needy and could not recognize or enjoy his father’s love. The older brother denied himself the joy of relationship with his father because of his stubborn pride.

Very practically then, how should we respond to service, a gift or a compliment from others? In short, we should receive it humbly, graciously and thankfully. Let others experience the joy of serving you!

In 2 Corinthians 8, Paul describes the grace of God expressed through the Macedonian churches as they took up a collection for the followers of Christ in Jerusalem, “Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints.” (2 Corinthians 8:2-4)

When we were serving as missionaries in Austria, God gave us a unique opportunity to receive a gift from others that we could have blown off or even scorned. Some dear people from a small country church put a care package together for us and mailed it to Austria. One of the treasures in this care package was a bolt of polyester cloth with an orange and pink diamond pattern on white.

We must admit with shame that our initial thought was, “Who could possibly think that we would need or want such hideous material!” But the Holy Spirit rebuked us for our response. Instead, we thanked these people for their thoughtfulness. Then Linda had the idea of using the material to make a clown costume for our daughter for a school function. The material was perfect! We still cherish pictures of our daughter posing in her clown costume. I’d know that fabric anywhere!

I don’t know about you, but I struggle sometimes receiving service from others. I tend to be a perfectionist in much of what I do. So when someone wants to serve me with what I might deem substandard performance, I find myself wanting to stop them, correct them or simply refuse their service. God is teaching me to humbly submit to him and others and let them serve to the best of their ability. As I’ve done so, I’ve realized that their relationship is exceedingly more important and more precious than my overrated perfectionism!

Finally, how do we graciously receive a genuine compliment from someone? Many of us were taught a false sense of humility that throws up a force field to ward off any compliments hurled our way. Sometimes we deflect a compliment by retorting with a self-deprecating remark or an outright denial of the person’s gracious claim.

Again, allow others the joy of paying you a genuine compliment by smiling and saying “Thank you! That’s very kind.” Failure to do so demeans the giver of the compliment and throws up a barrier to relationship.

As our children were growing up, it brought us great satisfaction to watch them give to and serve others with joy. As parents, we wanted our children to learn and experience that joy. Equally so, we loved it when the other children graciously received from their sibling. Their gracious acceptance of a gift, service or compliment completed the circle of God’s grace and brought harmony and unity to the family.

Experience the joy of watching others enjoy serving you, giving to you or paying you a compliment just as your heavenly Father does with you.

© 2009 Rob Fischer