Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the flip-side relational grace of repentance. Clearly seen, forgiveness provides us with the opportunity to extend to others what God freely gives us. Since God is holy and without sin, there is never a time when we could offer him forgiveness! So why would we consider forgiveness a relational grace needed in our relationship with him?

Forgiveness is a relational grace necessary in our relationship with God because he clearly says it is. In Matthew 6:14-15 NLT, Jesus explained, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” On the surface this may sound harsh or even transactional in nature, but it’s not. It is highly relational as we’ll see.

Later in Matthew 18, Peter came to Jesus and asked how many times we should forgive someone for sinning against us? Would seven times be sufficient? In response, Jesus tells a story about a servant who owed his master an unbelievably large sum of money—too much to ever be able to pay back. This servant threw himself on the mercy of his master and his gracious master took pity on him and forgave his debt completely. One would think that this servant, who had just experienced magnanimous generosity and mercy from his master, would likewise extend mercy to others, but this is not the case.

Unfortunately, this servant promptly went out and found a co-worker of his who owed him ten bucks and had him thrown in jail because he couldn’t pay him back. This servant’s co-workers were horrified at his behavior and reported it to his master. His master’s response demonstrates the relational nature of his offense. His master replies, “You wicked servant, I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” (Matthew 18:32-33)

The language his master uses clearly demonstrates the relational nature of forgiveness. A transactional view of forgiveness would simply argue, “I must forgive others, because God won’t forgive me if I don’t.” A relational view of forgiveness says, “Even though I didn’t deserve it, God in his great mercy forgave me. His demonstration of love for me compels me to extend the same mercy to others that he extended me. In fact, I would be sinning against God not to forgive others!”

Failure to forgive someone damages not only our relationship with that person and with God, but also with others. An unforgiving spirit is a bitter spirit that permeates every relationship. In 2 Timothy 3:1-5, Paul describes for Timothy the terrible times that will emerge in the last days. Review the list of vices that will typify people in those days:

“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power.” (emphasis mine)

We cannot enjoy God or others if we harbor bitterness in our hearts toward someone else whom we’re unwilling to forgive. When we withhold forgiveness from someone else we behave like the cruel, selfish child, who unwilling to share a toy with another, breaks that toy so that neither he nor the other can enjoy it. We think we exert power over the other person by withholding forgiveness, when in fact the bitterness controls us. We can only become free when we forgive.

In another passage on forgiveness in Luke 17:1-10, Jesus again told his disciples to forgive others freely. He said, “Even if someone offends you seven times a day, I want you to forgive them” (author’s paraphrase). The disciples responded by asking Jesus to increase their faith in order to comply with this tall order! Jesus explained that forgiving others is not a matter of faith, but of obedience. To illustrate, Jesus gave the following scenario:

“Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? Would he not rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”

There are a couple of main points to glean from Jesus’ example. First, forgiving others is crucial and central to the health of your relationship with God. Forgiveness is a foregone conclusion for followers of Christ. God expects it of you. Second, forgiveness is not about you. Rather, forgiveness is about displaying the riches of God’s mercy to others as he has to you. Therefore, you must reject feelings of self-pity and hurt and allow yourself to be a conduit of God’s tender mercies for the offender.

How do we forgive others—especially when the sin committed against us is a grievous act? Paul in Colossians 3:13 simply tells us, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” How did God forgive us? God’s forgiveness is a gift, it is not earned. The greater the sin forgiven, the greater the display of God’s grace and mercy. God chooses not to remember and not to keep score. He buries our sins and removes them from his sight.
 
We are to forgive others from the heart (Matthew 18:35) and in kindness and compassion (Ephesians 4:32). By forgiving others, we learn about God’s love and forgiveness for us. By forgiving others, we demonstrate to them what God is like. We trust that what God tells us to do is best for us and for those we forgive. We trust God for his strength to genuinely follow through and extend genuine forgiveness to those who sinned against us. As a result, we experience freedom and victory from the bondage of bitterness and we enjoy renewed relationship with God and others.

© Rob Fischer 2008